Sample Argument Essay (With a Critique by a Writing Instructor)

Essay Topic:

Mike Tyson's ear biting incident with heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield re-ignited calls for a ban on the sport that has been dubbed by critics as "barbaric," "obscene," and "lethal." Several boxers have even been killed in the ring. Write an essay in which you either support or reject a ban on boxing.

Essay Response: (reproduced courtesy Michele Dimock, Writing 099 student)

To ban the sport of boxing would be a crime. Boxers spend years training to discipline their minds and bodies to be stronger than the opponent's.

A 100 lb leather punching bag swings from a hook under the sundeck. It is biting cold outside and the boxer's breath floats into a tiny cloud above him and disappears. His eyes are transfixed at an unseen face on the target. He dances to a rhythm that only he can hear. He breathes loudly through his nose as each quick jab hits the bag hard. A powerful blow hits its mark after every third or fourth jab. The fists slice the air in precisely the same spot each time and a pattern emerges. The bag is now swinging as he circles, making his music. You cannot help but hold your breath at the beauty of his strength and agility.

Somewhere in America, a couple sits in their living room. As they surf the channels, they catch round ten of a professional boxing match. They comment that this violent and savage sport should be banned. They have never heard the music or seen the dance.

Boxing is an athletic contest between two persons. It has been stated that the primary aim of boxing is to deliver blows to the head and torso of an opponent and knock him down to render him incapable of rising to a standing position within 10 seconds. The aim is to render the opponent defenceless.

The sport of boxing originated as a gladiator sport in ancient Greece. Four sets of rules have governed the sport since 1743. In the original matches, boxers wore metal-studded leather gloves. It then developed into bare-knuckle brawls, and ultimately "evolved" into the gloved contest of today's sporting event, a match divided into twelve 3 minute rounds which allow for 1 minute rests between rounds. There are eight weight divisions. National and State commissions have increased their control of the sport since 1920. Amateur boxing has been an Olympic event since 1904.

Mike Tyson's introduction to boxing was in reform school after he committed a series of robberies. In 1985, he became a professional boxer and won 14 bouts, 11 of them with first round knockouts. By 1989, his record was 37-0, with 33 knockouts. In 1990, he lost the heavyweight title, and in 1992 he was sent to prison for rape. In his recent fight with Holyfield, he strove to regain respect. However, at a certain point in the fight, he realized he couldn't win and became extremely frustrated. He lost his self discipline and bit off a piece of his opponent's ear. It was the undisciplined act of an undisciplined man.

Tyson's barbaric conduct brought critics crying for a ban of the sport. People further argued that boxers have died in the ring. However, athletes have also been killed driving race cars and skiing. Players have been paralyzed during professional football and hockey games. Why don't we cry out for a ban on these contact sports? Different sports pose different risks.

The movie, When We Were Kings, is a documentary of the Ali-Forman bout that took place in 1974. The film is a testimonial to the artistry of the boxer. Boxing is a test of the physical, mental, and spiritual will of the opponents. It tests the strength of the individual.

We must not be dissuaded by cowardly or accidental incidents that occur in the ring. We cannot ban this powerful form of art. Rather, let us watch in awe as the fighter makes music under the sundeck. Let us watch in awe as we hold our breath.

A Writing Instructor's Critique of the essay:

The opening of the essay could be stronger in terms of engaging the reader's interest and orienting the reader to the essay's subject. The essay needs a clear title that does one or more of the following (engages interest, informs about the subject, reveals writers' attitude toward her subject). The first sentence is quite abrupt and not particularly effective in getting the reader's attention because it simply rewords the topic sentence, then following immediately with the thesis. The thesis needs to be developed a bit further as well to dispel the stereotypes that surround boxing.

Paragraph 2 is very effective here in that it engages the audience's interest, it details the writers' attitude toward her subject in a vivid way, and it coveys a strong, implied thesis. The writer, in fact, might consider making this paragraph her opening as it will have a more immediate, more lasting impact on the reader than the current opening. The use of narration and vivid description in this paragraph force the reader to consider boxing as something more than just a physical fight between to bruising men, something more in being almost an artistic dance set to music.

Paragraph 3 is an effective transition paragraph in that it builds on both the topic question and on the dance-music imagery of Paragraph 2. Here the writer dismisses critics of the sports as uninformed and unaware of the artistic potential of boxing. She implies that the critics simply lack an understanding of boxing's greater significance.

Paragraph 4 is informative, but not very helpful to the writers' argument. It gives a standard definition of boxing without addressing any of the larger artistic qualities of the sport. This paragraph, if left undeveloped, actually seems counter-productive.

The summarized history of boxing in Paragraph 5 is, again, informative, but doesn't actually do much to support the essay's thesis, that there's something more to boxing than beating your opponent into a bloody mess. This paragraph could be very effective if the "evolution" of boxing is more concretely developed to show in detail how present-day boxing is so much more than boxing at the beginning of the century.

Paragraph 6 could be stronger, as well, in terms of supporting the essay's thesis clearly. The detail about Mike Tyson is informative but, again, counter-productive if left undeveloped. The writer, for example, might compare Tyson to other, more respected boxers to show that his behaviour is actually the exception to the rule and not the rule itself. The writer makes a good attempt at the end of this paragraph to compare the sport of boxing to other sports where injuries and deaths often occur. This is a logical appeal questioning why critics aren't as vocal calling for bans on sports like football, hockey, and skiing. The writers' argument might benefit more, however, by comparing boxing to sports that are closer to boxing by their natures. It might be more effective to compare boxing to other sports where the violence is the goal, not the by-product of the sport.

Paragraph 7 presents an abrupt shift, undermining the coherence of the writers' train of thought. The essay shifts to a mention of the documentary without providing any real context or development to help the paragraph support the overall thesis.

The final paragraph is, again (like Paragraph 2), very vivid and actually links the reader back to the original boxing as dance-music imagery. This paragraph would be even more effective if the essay's body was more consistently developed with this imagery in mind.